Year 11 · Extended response writing · Lesson 4 of 4
Conclude, Write, Check
The conclusion · a timed extended response · self-assessment
Hubert Robert, The Fire of Rome, 1785 (detail). Public domain.
Do Now · from memory · 4 minutes
Five questions
- 1Put in order: Link · Point · Analysis · EvidencePoint → Evidence → Analysis → Link.
- 2What does “This Does That” add to a paragraph?Analysis — what the evidence shows or does, not just what it says.
- 3Give two reporting verbs that show doubt about a source.Any two: claims · alleges · insists · asserts.
- 4Give one reason to treat Suetonius with caution.~57 years later · loves scandal · states as fact what Tacitus calls “rumour” · senatorial hostility.
- 5What must a conclusion NOT include?New evidence.
Learning intentions & success criteria
- conclude an argument decisively
- plan, write and improve a sustained extended response under time
- write a conclusion that restates my judgement in fresh words — no new evidence
- plan in five minutes
- sustain my line of argument across a timed response
- assess my writing against the criteria and set a next step
I do · the conclusion
Four moves — and no new evidence
Fresh words, with a degree word.
How your points combine.
Why does it matter?
Decisive. Memorable.
“In conclusion, there are many different views about the fire and nobody really knows. Also, Nero killed his mother.”
Fence-sitting · new evidence · no degree.
I do · What A Good One Looks Like
1Ultimately, Nero was only minimally responsible for the Great Fire itself, but largely responsible for the catastrophe it became for his reign. 2The fire’s outbreak among flammable shops, its spread through a crowded city and the destruction of Nero’s own residence all suggest accident rather than arson, while the testimony that condemns him is late, hostile and riddled with rumour. His conduct after the flames, however — the Golden House, the financial exactions and the scapegoating of the Christians — made the accusation credible. 3In doing so, Nero helped to forge the enduring image of the emperor who ‘fiddled while Rome burned’. 4Nero did not set Rome alight; he set alight the suspicion that would follow him to his fall in AD 68 and define his memory for two thousand years.
Hinge question · 1, 2, 3 or 4 fingers
Which is the strongest final sentence?
- 1In conclusion, there are many different views about the fire.
- 2Nero did not set Rome alight; he set alight the suspicion that would follow him to his fall.
- 3Also, Nero had his mother killed in AD 59.
- 4This essay has shown that Nero was responsible.
2 is decisive and sums up the judgement. 1 sits on the fence · 3 adds new evidence · 4 announces, with no degree.
We do → you do · worksheet Part B · 5 minutes
The 5-minute plan
| Part | Model plan (dot points only) |
|---|---|
| Thesis | Although Suetonius/Dio accuse him → didn’t start it; responsible for exploiting aftermath |
| Paragraph 1 | Origins → accident: shops, wind, Antium, own house burned, Tacitus “uncertain” |
| Paragraph 2 | Hostile sources: Suetonius/Dio late & partisan; torches = looting?; Subrius Flavus = belief |
| Paragraph 3 | Aftermath: relief ✓ but Golden House, money, Christians → belief in guilt (Barrett) |
| Conclusion | Minimally for the fire; largely for the political fallout |
Now your own plan. Then tell your partner your thesis in one breath (30 seconds each).
You do · timed write · 25 minutes · Case Study Pack open · models away
To what extent was Nero responsible for the Great Fire of Rome in AD 64?
Introduction (reuse and improve Lesson 2) + two PEAL paragraphs + conclusion.
Introduction + three PEAL paragraphs + conclusion. Weigh at least two sources.
Integrate Barrett and Champlin; answer a counter-argument. Or take the challenge question on your worksheet.
Leave this up while students write
Checkpoints
Every paragraph answers the question. Degree words. This Does That.
Check · worksheet Part D · 6 minutes
Highlight, then use the single-point rubric
your thesis
topic sentences
This-Does-That sentences
degree words in your final judgement
Then, for each criterion: where did you meet it? What is your next step? No marks — this is about your next draft.
Writing conversation · swap with a partner · 2 minutes each
One strength of your argument is…
Your use of evidence from … works because…
The sentence that best analyses is… because…
To make your thesis sharper, try…
This paragraph describes rather than analyses — try This Does That on…
You could weigh the reliability of … by…
Exit ticket · worksheet
My next writing goal
My next writing goal is .
I will practise it by .
Tonight: read the model response on the back of your worksheet. Compare — don’t copy. Borrow three phrases.
Four lessons, one extended response